Oh you thought the tortoise was slow? Clearly you have been reading too many of that Aesop guy’s lies! The truth is, when you spray a little WD40 on a tortoise’s shell, flip it on it’s back and send it down a hill, well, they as FAST AS SHELL.* As you will be when you throw on these blue-lensed tortoiseshell shades! You’re move Hare.

*(Goodr do not condone the use of WD40 on live turtles. This is just a joke, people.)